Oxford University Association Football Club

Biography

If Merv's footballing ability was comparable to the amount of chat he gives, he would doubtless be a regular in the Blues setup. Unfortunately, despite having an abundance of 'the passion' (don't worry about that), his footballing ability is comparable to the quality of his chat, and hence he finds himself on the fringes of Magdalen's 1st XI.

A skilful striker who combines the injury-proneness of Michael Owen with the prolific scoring of Emile Heskey and the stoicism of his hero Cristiano Ronaldo, Merv will be looking to cement a place on the wing for Magdalen this year. He'll be hoping his artistic flair will cause problems for opposition full-backs, perhaps to the extent that their scouts will need to prepare briefings on his threat, such as "7 is Kissoon."

As MCFC's answer to Andy Gray, Merv just wanted to "tell all the haters out there" that he still thinks Alice Hawker is the fittest girl in college. And Scholes the best footballer. Who are we to question such judgement?

One thing he has learnt tho, erm, is that with people like Dan, he can have a really good life together with, like as friends.